Redneck Texts From Last Night

Texts from last night from an anonymous redneck near you! 

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(561): "I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will"

(479): "he just used a semi colon in the middle of a sext"

(608): "First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong."

(456): "It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel I'm getting my life together."

(630): "I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen."

(316): "I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people."

(308): "The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad."

(314) "I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either."

(781): "I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave."

(256): "A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality."

(214): "She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love"

(205): "It's a lot easier to hide alcohol when you're wearing a toga."
(256): "everything's easier when you're wearing a toga."

(337): "My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit."

(615): "We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason, I can see this ending up as a country music video."

(256): "You know who really doesn't like surprise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers."

(703): "He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him."

(770): "The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding."

(501): "I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in living room while I still have guests."

(770): "So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now..."
(404): "Don't! You were just serving your country"

(925): "Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words 'we'll put a boot up your ass' with an American flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen."








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